Friday, February 3, 2012

Hard things.

In December, I read this post from Ann at Twelve in Twelve. She said that she can do hard things. She wrote,
Alright, apparently it’s a common saying. I heard it somewhere, sometime, from someone. (probably from my good friend, Ash!) And my brain held onto this little gem until I really needed it. For the past few workouts, especially today, I kept going back to that saying….
 I read that post, and like hers, my brain held onto that until I really needed it. It came to mind during my awful 9 degree 18 mile training run. I thought about in the days leading up to the Tinker Bell half marathon as I thought about whether I was trained to PR. I wrote in on my hand for that race as I flew, wings and all, to a new PR!

Since getting back from California, it's been bumpy around here. Just the travel day home ended up including nearly 3 hours more than planned, 1 extra airport, a complete loss of power steering in my car, and getting pulled over just a mile from my house. That lovely day was followed with a week too little sleep and too little patience on the part of nearly the whole family along with head colds all around. Life can be a little rough around the edges here. Life with depression is just plain hard. Really hard.

But... I can do hard things.

The hard things can be just about anything. Sometimes it's pushing through a tough workout or running just one more mile when I want to quit. Other times, it's getting out of bed and making my kids' lunches for school in the morning. So often, it all just feels too gosh darn hard.

It's one of the reasons running is so important to me as a way to cope with depression. Running has proved to me over the past 18 months that I can do hard things. I ran my first 5K when I didn't know that I could. I ran a 10K when it seemed way too hard. I ran a half marathon which was really freaking hard. Since then, I've dug deep pushing myself to train better and run faster. It was hard, but I did it. It's always hard, but I do it over and over again.

That's what I have to remember when it's the getting out of bed that's hard or when it's the getting myself up off the bathroom floor where I sit in a ball crying that's hard. When it gets so hard that I can't imagine I'll ever get through it, when I wonder if I'll ever feel happy again, I try to remember and feel it in my gut that I can do hard things.

I've done all sorts of hard things in my life, and this surely will not be the last hard thing.


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