Wednesday, October 29, 2014

If You See Us On Halloween…

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If you see us on Halloween,
you might be surprised or maybe you won’t be. In the internet world, or at least my online circle, boys wearing dresses and liking pink aren’t unheard of anymore. Viral stories championing transgender kids make their way through my newsfeed, and friends regularly share posts highlighting gender nonconformity with me. In my home, we don’t think anything of my son in his pink sequined shoes and sparkly rainbow t-shirt  practicing his dance steps in his newly painted purple room. Sometimes I forget that much of the real world isn’t accustomed to this.

If you see us on Halloween, my son will be dressed as a Fairy Princess. He will be wearing a flowing, flowery dress, turquoise leggings, rainbow wings, a flower headpiece, and pink sparkly shoes. He will be flitting about with his butterfly fairy wand pretending to turn his friends into woodland animals or some other enchanted creature. He will be spinning around in circles every few steps because he likes the way the dress twirls when he does. He will be so excited to wear the costume he carefully assembled with my assistance, the costume he has put on regularly in the weeks leading up to Halloween, the costume he wears as he joyfully twirls.

If you see us on Halloween,
my son will also be nervous.
His stomach will be flip-flopping involuntarily as he assesses each new encounter. His anxiety will be fighting to squelch his joy. He will be bracing himself for the first comment someone makes. He will be terrified someone is going to ask, “why are you wearing a girl costume?” He will be prepared though. He will be ready to answer, “it’s just what I like.” And if someone says something more clearly disapproving, he will be prepared to say “Please don’t say that to me. It’s just what I like.”

You see, we’ve had to rehearse this, because on a daily basis my son walks a fine line between being entirely confident in saying “screw you” to everyone out there who doesn’t approve of his preferences and living in fear of comments. He chooses what he shares and with whom he shares it. We support him in deciding what risks he wants to take, because he knows that by wearing what he likes and being who he is, there is a big risk people won’t understand. He knows that not everyone understands that girls can like boy things and boys can like girl things. He knows that not everyone believes that maybe there should be a whole lot less of boy things versus girl things. He knows that some kids aren’t taught by their parents that colors are just colors for all the world to enjoy and that toys are just toys for all kids regardless of gender. He doesn’t understand why other parents don’t teach that but he knows that some don’t. He also knows that the media and companies selling things don’t teach the world this either.

He has been blessed so far by not knowing how bad bullying can be, but he has been hurt by the comments of friends, teachers, and other sometimes well-meaning adults who have said with teasing disgust, “but that’s for girls!” He knows that when people don’t understand, they can be unsupportive and sometimes mean. He also knows that he has a community of family and friends who love him, no matter what. He knows that it’s okay to like the things he likes, and he knows what he likes. He likes all things pink, purple, and sparkly. He likes to play dress-up whether as a queen riding a pink unicorn or a spooky vampire with a satiny black cape. He likes learning about nature and playing board games. He likes Taylor Swift and dance class. He likes adventuring out into the woods and helping out on the farm down the road. And he really likes his Halloween costume this year.

So if you see us on Halloween,
I hope you will consider that my son is just a kid wearing a costume like any other.
I hope you will tell your kids that he is just a kid wearing a costume like any other. I hope you will model what it looks like to accept a child’s creativity and interests in a positive way without snark or judgment. After all, as he will tell you, it’s just what he likes.

31 comments:

  1. What a great costume. He is a very lucky boy to have you as his mom.

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  3. "Stay at home mom".... let's change it to "Work at home mom".

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  4. My son wanted to be a pink ninja. Even though he changed his mind, I am proud he was confident enough to share his choice with me.

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  5. He looks Beautiful! And I cannot imagine a better butterfly fairy by far! Audrey is going to be so jealous when she hears! She had decided that we were all going to be butterflies (yes, I even made a costume for the dog) but butterfly fairy? Just genius!

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  6. "So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth'"
    - Genesis 1:27-28

    "Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it." - Proverbs 22:6

    "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child..." - Proverbs 22:15a

    "...a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." - Proverbs 29:15b


    "There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death." - Proverbs 14:12

    "Professing to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man—and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things. Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen."
    - Romans 1:22-25

    "In that day I will perform against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. For I have told him that I will judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knows, because his sons made themselves vile, and he did not restrain them." - 1 Samuel 3:12-13

    "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals." - 1 Corinthians 6:9

    "...these things we write to you that your joy may be full. This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us." - 1 John 1:4-10

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    1. Oh, for Christ's sake, shut up and be kind and loving.

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    2. This person was just posting God's Word. You might as well be blaspheming God directly to His face. You already took His name in vain. This is a pastor's wife who wrote this blog. She and her husband claim to be Christians but I have to say I believe the pastor is a false teacher. God's Word is VERY clear on the matter. It is sin for them to be encouraging their child in this behavior. They are more concerned about what is politically correct and appealing to the world than they are with what their Creator says on the matter. They would rather their child go to hell and they appease him than appeasing the One who made the heavens and earth and gives them life and breath. The Bible is God breathed. They should know this. If the pastor denies this and makes up his own rules, than he is a false teacher. It's ashame that the pastor would allow this and encourage not only his family and flock but those in his community to blaspheme their Creator. God is clear.

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    3. Please don't throw the Bible at us to justify your own prejudices, OK? There are also loads of passages in there (with which I will purposely NOT bore other readers here) expressing God's love as lived, breathed, and demonstrated through Jesus for ALL of God's creation in ALL of its diversity. Yours may be a narrowly wrath-filled, vengeful, and hateful God, but for the rest of us, God is proud of his creative little boys and girls who use God's gift of intellectual illumination to bring fun, delight, and joy to all of us. May God continue forever to bless them.

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    4. If Jesus showed up today, he'd be a dark skinned long haired hippie and some cop would probably shoot him dead for having a dime of weed in his pocket. And you'd cheer for the policeman and say he was just doing his civic duty. The Bible was written by men, and it is flawed. The Universe is loving and you are capable of creating it WITH "God". You'd do well to take part in some sacred mushroom consumption and get a grip on reality.

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    5. Most Christians have no clue that Jesus was a mystic and ascended master. He came here to show us how to master this reality. If you're still quoting the Bible, you're missing the point ENTIRELY.

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    6. If you haven't spoken directly to God, you have no right to tell others what His word is. Call me crazy, but I have spoken with God before. He frowns upon hateful behavior. His children are supposed to be kind to one another, and telling people how to live their lives when no one is in danger is against his will. And if you knew your religion well enough, EVERYONE goes to hell. No exceptions. Jesus went to hell, and in no way shape or form is ANYONE entitled to say that they won't go to hell. The more you deny it, the longer you burn. Using the Bible as a weapon is a crime in God's eyes.Using it doesn't equate to justice. You can hate the sin BUT you must LOVE the sinner. Everyone is a sinner. We have all done something against the Bible; divorce, consuming pig, wearing clothes of more than one fabric, telling lies, having sex before marriage, working on the Sabbath, and,unfortunately, having sex with blood or by-marriage relatives. If you would like to keep your time in hell to a minimum, stop the hate and accept that people who don't harm others are free to be them.

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  7. This is beautiful, Jamie! Thanks for your thoughtfulness and openness in sharing. You and your family are helping to make the world better.

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  8. Please tell me what behavior it is that this family is doing that God is so clear on? What is this child doing wrong that you are condemming him to hell for?

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    1. “A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the Lord your God." ~ Deuteronomy 22:5

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    2. “A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the Lord your God." ~ Deuteronomy 22:5

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  9. Happy Halloween to you and your beautiful son.

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  10. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3 16
    I'm just going to love your hate away "anonymous"

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  11. Jesus loves the little children, all the little children of the world.

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  12. For the person saying this beautiful little boy is going to hell along with his parents for wearing a COSTUME, id like to know, if you are a female do you wear jeans? How about slacks? Dress pants? Pajama pants? And are you also condemning all the women out there that are wearing costumes that show off their body, because you know, theyre causing men to lust after them? Its clothes, who cares. To *that* mom rock on being supportive and loving your child no matter what this messed up crazy society says!

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  13. "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.
    He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God." - John 3:17-18

    "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."
    - John 1:1-5

    "There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. This man came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all through him might believe. He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light. That was the true Light which gives light to every man coming into the world." - John 1:6-9

    "Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, 'I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.'" - John 8:12

    "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!'" - Matthew 18:5-7

    "Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men. You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill. For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the law till all is fulfilled. Whoever therefore breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I say to you, that unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 5:11-20



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  14. THOUGH I SPEAK WITH THE TONGUES OF MEN AND OF ANGELS; IF I HAVE NOT LOVE, I. AM. NOTHING.
    Boom.
    LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND... GOD IS LOVE.
    Boom. Boom.

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  15. "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

    "Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, 'I know Him,' and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked. Brethren, I write no new commandment to you, but an old commandment which you have had from the beginning. The old commandment is the word which you heard from the beginning. Again, a new commandment I write to you, which thing is true in Him and in you, because the darkness is passing away, and the true light is already shining. He who says he is in the light, and hates his brother, is in darkness until now. He who loves his brother abides in the light, and there is no cause for stumbling in him. But he who hates his brother is in darkness and walks in darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes."
    - 1 John 2:3-11

    "Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure. Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness. And you know that He was manifested to take away our sins, and in Him there is no sin. Whoever abides in Him does not sin. Whoever sins has neither seen Him nor known Him. Little children, let no one deceive you. He who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous. He who sins is of the devil, for the devil has sinned from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil. Whoever has been born of God does not sin, for His seed remains in him; and he cannot sin, because he has been born of God. In this the children of God and the children of the devil are manifest: Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is he who does not love his brother. For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another, not as Cain who was of the wicked one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his works were evil and his brother’s righteous.Do not marvel, my brethren, if the world hates you. We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death. Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him." - 1 John 3:1-15










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  16. "And while He was still speaking, behold, Judas, one of the twelve, with a great multitude with swords and clubs, came from the chief priests and elders of the people. Now His betrayer had given them a sign, saying, 'Whomever I kiss, He is the One; seize Him.' Immediately he went up to Jesus and said, 'Greetings, Rabbi!' and kissed Him."
    - Matthew 26:47-49

    "Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed.
    Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." - Proverbs 27:5-6

    "For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights" - Proverbs 3:12

    "Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, But he who hates correction is stupid." - Proverbs 12:1

    "The way of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord, But He loves him who follows righteousness."
    - Proverbs 15:9

    "He who loves transgression loves strife, And he who exalts his gate seeks destruction." - Proverbs 17:9

    "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me." - Matthew 10:37

    "...He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. They are of the world. Therefore they speak as of the world, and the world hears them. We are of God. He who knows God hears us; he who is not of God does not hear us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error. Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." - 1 John 4:4b-11

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  17. I know this time all too well, mama. This was us a year ago. And, of course, is still our journey. We, too, as shocking as it may appear to others, allow our children to be themselves, love them, and walk with them on a path of God, too. We choose love, and must allow others to make their own choice. I hope and pray that the vast majority of the people in your life will choose love.

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  18. I know this time all too well, mama. This was us a year ago. And, of course, is still our journey. We, too, as shocking as it may appear to others, allow our children to be themselves, love them, and walk with them on a path of God, too. We choose love, and must allow others to make their own choice. I hope and pray that the vast majority of the people in your life will choose love.

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  19. Wow! It sure does look like people have what is considered "boy" clothes and what is considered "girl" clothes all figured out. Of course, they know nothing about history. I encourage everyone to do research on Ancient Israel and Ancient Egypt. You might be a bit surprised to discover that the only difference between "boy" and"girl" clothing is the underwear and number of layers. Jesus didn't wear a suit and tie!

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  20. Anonymous, if you are so righteous why be anonymous? I find your response to be the exact opposite of what Jesus taught. You are a false Christian. Please leave your hatred for your own blog.

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  21. It is funny reading these comments from the UK. My first thought was "how very American" rather than how very Christ like. I hate the act of merely quoting scripture at someone then logging off, that doesn't help anyone. If l am totally honest, l don't know how l would respond if this was my son who has just turned 1, but l hope l show him as much love for him a you do for your son. Xx

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  22. (Pardon my cursing but I am pissed)

    To the douchebag who keeps throwing god and pages from the bible at this wonderful mother, please leave. Just stop, you're literally not doing anything for anyone. Just GTFO out of here, please. Take your stupidity elsewhere. God accepts us for who we are, for we are all unique and special in our own way. He does not judge our life choices and trusts that we do whatever makes us happy, Whatever that is. This wonderful mother is sharing her story to the world and to others who might be going through the same situation as her. And she is so incredibly brave for it. Please just back off. If anything, you're the one who's going "against" god by doing what you are. And to you, Blogger, I admire what you do here and I look forward to reading more about your precious gift and experiences. Much love from AZ.

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